A dramatic speech too far
by SuperLardBucket
Summary: If there's one thing Kamina loves, it's making big, dramatic, epic, over the top speeches. But what happens when he takes one of these too far? Warning: This fic will challenge everything you know about dramatic speeches and the fabric of space/time.
1. Chapter 1

**A Dramatic Speech Too Far**

**I've been away from fanfiction for a while, so I thought I'd make my return with a one-shot in the greatest anime ever: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, which I do not own, just use for my own enjoyment.**

**Kamina delivers yet another of his great speeches, but something goes horribly wrong. WARNING: The following fic will challenge everything you know about anime, dramatic speeches, and the universe itself. If you can't handle that, please leave now.**

It was just another Tuesday afternoon. Ganmen had attacked our heroes as they were travelling, looking for the source of the Beastmen armies. Combination had been achieved. Gurren Lagann had been formed. Gurren Lagann had been badly damaged. Someone had made the mistake of telling Kamina to give up. And Kamina had taken the opportunity to make a speech.

"Give up… GIVE UP!?! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?!"

Yoko and Ron smiled as their hero launched into another tirade about his greatness. "You tell them sweetie!" the "man" of undeterminable gender shouted.

"HAVING LEFT HIS HOME UNDERGROUND, HE TRAVELS THE PATH OF A MAN, BATTLING FOR HIS VERY SOUL!!!"

"Right on!"

"THE PATH HE WALKS DOWN IS THAT PATH HE CHOOSES FOR HIMSELF!!!"

"Awesome!"

"A PARAGON OF MANLINESS! HIS ONLY LIMITATION IS HOW FAR HE FEELS LIKE GOING!!!"

"Okay…"

"WHEN THERE'S A WALL IN HIS WAY, HE KNOCKS IT DOWN! WHEN PEOPLE TELL HIM TO GIVE UP, HE TELLS THEM TO PISS OFF!!!"

"That's enough Kamina…"

"SIMON'S DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT WILL BURST THROUGH THE HEAVENS, AND MY SWORD IS THE SWORD THAT WILL CARVE A NEW TOMMOROW!!!'

"Bro! Stop please!"

"THE NAME OF THE GURREN BRIGADE IS KNOWN FAR AND WIDE, AND IF YOU SHOULD BE GRACED TO HEAR OF ITS BAD-ASS, SEXY LEADER, KNOW THAT THAT MEANS ME!!!

At this, the ground began rumbling and shaking. Holes began tearing in the sky above.

"What's going on!?!" Yoko shouted

"Kamina is releasing such fighting spirit that he's altering the fabric of reality!" Ron explained.

"IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER DAMN THING COMING FUZZ-BALL!!!"

"This isn't funny bro! Stop it!"

The holes in the sky began growing. Cracks began ripping open the Earth itself. The Beastmen and their Ganmen exploded, leaving nothing but smoke behind. Soon Simon, Yoko, and Ron had exploded too. Kamina noticed nothing, as his eyes were shut and all he could hear was the sound of his own voice.

"THAT'S THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY KAMINA!!! THAT'S THE POWER OF GURREN LAGANN!!!"

When Kamina opened his eyes, all he could see was a great bright light. Gurren Lagann had disappeared, along with everything else, and he was just floating in a sea of emptiness.

"What happened?" he asked in confusion.

"YOU BROKE THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME YOU JACKASS!!!" Yoko shouted as she smacked him upside the head.

"Can you fix it Ron?" Simon asked.

"I don't even know how he broke it!" Ron replied.

"So what do we do now?" Yoko asked.

"I guess we just… float here…" Kamina suggested.

"Well, how do we pass the time?" Ron asked.

Kamina furrowed his brow in concentration. Suddenly, he opened his eyes in realization. Everyone looked at him expectedly.

"Marco!" he shouted.

Ron and Yoko smacked their heads, but Simon just smiled and said "Polo!"

"Marco!"

"Polo!

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

**The End**

**Well… Let me know what you think…**

…

…

**Marco!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Dramatic Speech Too Far Act 2**

**Return to Existence**

**Well, since people loved this story so much, I thought I'd write a resolution for it. However, I want something for it in return. The first fanfiction anything I wrote after a very long hiatus was a new chapter for my story "Ranma: A New Ending". In order to make up for my long break, I poured my heart and soul into that new chapter. How many reviews has it gotten so far? One. What did that review say "Update faster!" Normally, I don't beg for reviews, but I worked really hard on that chapter, and I'd like a little more feedback than "Update faster". If you're familiar with "Ranma ½" all I ask is that you look at the story and leave a review. That's all. So, how will Kamina and the others get home? Let's find out**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gurren Lagann**

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"KAMINA! SIMON! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" Yoko screamed. It had been going on like this for 2 weeks. Oddly, they weren't dying of starvation. The group had just floated, their bodies preserved like they had been cryogenically frozen.

Kamina unceremoniously wiped his nose with his index finger, grinning his trademark grin. "Alright, I guess it's time I get us home…"

"YOU COULD HAVE SENT US HOME ALL THIS TIME!?!" Yoko shouted.

"Of course, I sent us here after all. Just who the Hell do you think I am?" he replied.

"SO WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND US HOME 2 WEEKS AGO!?!"

"I was playing Marco Polo…"

"SEND US HOME RIGHT NOW YOU LUNATIC!!!

"Alright…" Kamina cleared his throat, stuck out his chest, and folded his arms triumphantly. He opened his mouth to speak. "HAVING LEFT HIS HOME UNDERGROUND, HE WANDERS THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF WORTHY FOES!!!"

Meanwhile, on a completely different plane of reality, a man sat resting in his chair. In his hand was a cold beer, and in his other hand was a remote, used for surfing through the wonderful world of Japanese Television. Finally, the weary soul settled on an episode of one of the "Gundam" Anime. Why he did this was unclear even to him. All this did was remind Hiroyuki Imaishi that for the past 5 years he had been trying and failing to realize his childhood dream of creating the world's greatest anime. No matter what he tried, the pen he had selected to write the story remained untouched and the paper he had selected to write it down remained unmarked.

As he sat, wishing for the chance to create a great anime, he suddenly heard someone shout "HAVING LEFT HIS HOME UNDERGROUND, HE WANDERS THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF WORTHY FOES!!!" Before he could question it, some invisible force connected with his chin and knocked him out of his chair. Rubbing his face, he looked around and asked aloud, "What the Hell was that?" He was certain he was alone in the house.

"A MANLY SOUL, HE TAKES COMFORT IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS BRO AT ONE SIDE AND HIS SWORD AT THE OTHER!!!"

Bam! This time he was hit square in the gut. Reeling over from having the wind knocked out of him, he asked as clearly as he could, "Who the Hell are you!?!"

"WHO THE HELL AM I!?! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?!"

Now Hiroyuki-san was lifted into the air like magic, spun around, and tossed into a wall.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?!" He asked, feeling his bones ache.

"YOU DUMB-ASS! YOU CREATED ME AFTER ALL!"

"I did?" he replied, a bit calmer since this time he was not tossed around like a ragdoll.

"YEAH! YOU ASKED WHO I AM! WELL, GET YOUR PEN READY, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA TELL YOU!!! RAISED IN THE UNDERGROUND CITY OF JEEHA VILLAGE, MY FATHER ABANDONED ME TO LIVE ON THE SURFACE WORLD, WHICH ONLY AFEW BELIEVED EXISTED!!! WITH THE POWER OF FIGHTING SPIRIT, ME AND MY BRO SIMON BROKE THROUGH THE CEILING TO A NEW WORLD OF BEASTMEN WITH ORDERS TO KILL ALL HUMANS!!! SO WE STOLE THEIR GIANT MECHAS THEY CALL GANMEN, AND SET FORTH ON A QUEST TO LIBERATE ALL OF HUMANITY!!! I AM THE MIGHTY KAMINA: THE BAD-ASS LEADER OF THE GURREN BRIGADE!!!"

"Kamina and Simon?"

"YEAH!!! HIS DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT PIERCES THE HEAVENS!!! MY SWORD IS THE SWORD THAT CREATES TOMMORROW!!! AND YOUR PEN IS THE PEN THAT GIVES FORM TO THE SKY AND SEA AND EARTH ITSELF!!!"

"What's the name of that Ganmen you used again?"

"IT'S LAGANN!!! GURREN LAGANN!!!"

"Gurren Lagann…" Hiroyuki muttered to himself, writing it on the paper, along with everything else the strange voice had told him.

Meanwhile, back in the void, Simon, Yoko, and Ron were looking at Kamina like he was a nutcase. He'd just been shouting into space for about 10 minutes now. Suddenly, there was a great rumbling. They watched in amazement as everything; the Ganmen, the earth, the sky, all of it was brought back into existence around them. Kamina and Simon were back in the cockpits of Gurren Lagann, and the Beastmen were very confused.

"I don't know what you did humans, but you're dead!!!"

"I don't think so! Giga! Drill! BREAKER!!!"

With ease, our heroes destroyed the Beastmen. "Great job Kamina! It looks like everything's back to normal!" Yoko shouted.

"Um… I wouldn't say normal…" Simon replied.

Leaning against Gurren Lagann's leg, Ron, or should I say, Rhonda was staring at Yoko. Her large, overdeveloped muscles stretched the fabric of her flannel shirt. With her big, meaty, hairy hands, she pointed at Yoko and said "Hey Tootz! Nice Ass…"

This is the story of Kamina: a man so bad-ass that he erased himself and his friends from existence, and then kicked God's very ass so that they could be re-invented.


End file.
